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It's the SOAP!

If you've got SKIN,

Enjoy that abrasive tingle as SPAK-O SOAP's TINY PATENTED DIRT-HAMMERS blast your personal scum far, far away! The clean, fresh scent will clear your sinuses and annoy your pets! SPAK-O SOAP is guaranteed to bring a new sheen to your whole wasted life! Got an important interview, a big first date, or a community center potluck coming up? Stock up on SPAK-O!

*Avoid exposure to sunlight and loud, sudden noises for at least two hours after using SPAK-O. SPAK-O is inappropriate for children or small animals. SPAK-O is not a suitable substitute for actual Tent Paste. SPAK-O may cause drowsiness and strange cravings for fresh fruit. SPAK-O may affect precision travel between dimensions. Do not allow container to spin. SPAK-O is non-toxic, however, if ingested, do not mix with excess fiber.